Johan's Endorsement

Johan has just endorsed smoking as a healthy alternative to breathing the acrid miasma derived from the off-gassing of the city landfill. "By coating the lungs with tar, the putrid, plycra melting stench of rotting garbage cannot negatively affect oxygen absorption", spake Johan. LB has already taken the "Johan challenge" and is now a pack-a-day man.
LB need not worry about reduced lung capacity. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's soon to be released oxygen rebreather or "Pure Heaven Air Today" (PHAT) will serve to refresh and replenish lung tissue.


Lung busting

On a recent training ride, members of Team Vitesse gave new meaning to the term "lung busting". Usually associated with riding up difficult steep pitches in the mountains, lung busting can result in black outs, phlegm spewing, delirium, tears or any combination thereof. In Team Vitesse's case, lung busting has become associated with a strong westerly blowing the acrid stench of rotting garbage through a low valley along a preferred cycling route. The natural temptation is to speed up to minimize the plycra melting odour. This strategy only serves to cause a rider to suck in more of the stinking miasma into his delicate lung tissue. It appears the best way navigate out of the "Valley of Smell Death" is to hold one's breath for 1000 meters. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory is developing an oxygen rebreather to accent the SMEVEC 88T.


Race Radio interception

H2O at Vitesse Central Command and Cosmonaut Staging Grounds:

Countdown has been initiated at LB team HQ. The Murano Interplanetary Space Shuttle and Intrepid Lunar Explorer (MISSILE) has been loaded with surgical precision. The team mechanic and doctor will be left in the craft during the day today and may have expired from the heat by the time launch sequence occurs. A red Swiss jersey has been paired with black crotch friendly bibs for LB. Coordinate appropriately.
Has central command provided mission stats or is that classified until safely within the Cosmonaut Compound? LB's anticipated arrival time to the Cosmodrome is approximately 1730 hours. Requesting clearance with Cosmodrome authorities.

LB Away Unit Location


Joyous Squeezing - New Compression Technology

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory’s compression tights or “Joyous Squeezing” are specially made from contentious materials which mold to the user's physique. They promote blood circulation and maintain oxygen flow to all musculature. Joyous Squeezing also helps to wick away unwanted moisture buildup by channeling excessive liquids away from the skin through tiny drainage pipettes. All this helps an individual to achieve the optimum body odour enabling them to maintain strength and endurance while cycling. Improve athletic performance by maintaining repeated jump performance with JOYOUS SQUEEZING!

  • Reduce muscle movement and vibration and focus the direction of the muscle;
  • Reducing the risk of injuries such as road rash;
    Maintaining body temperature and excess liquid transfer;
  • Reducing the build up of Non-joyous aural assault juices; and
  • Assists in post workout acidification drainage

Joyous Squeezing allows all athletes to increase both the duration and intensity of training and competition. Happy Lucky Manufactory’s Joyous Squeezing is also guaranteed to remove unsightly bodily hair down to the very follicles. Now you too can enjoy Joyous Squeezing just like the professionals.


Cosmodrome communications

The following is an excerpt from radio communications between Team Vitesse members. It was intercepted using Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's Mister "Marvellous" Mike 8 way radio. As you can appreciate professionalism is the ultimate goal with the Team.

k2nees availability starts at 1730....please advise if it worth
pushing launch time
t minus...and counting

H20 has been cleared by control tower for launch on friday @ 1830
hours. Launch site tba. Possible team car action to colchester launch
area. Please confirm availability and suggested launch sites. h20

Lampo bianco has also confirmed his availability for a friday launch.
The launch window has now been extended pending verbal confirmation from LB. 1730 is about as early as H20 can begin launch sequencing initiation.

LB: 17 hours 30 minutes confirmed for go sequence. Awaiting orders from central team command regarding muster point and mission orders.

H20: Johan desires that the team work the roads beginning at colchester
launch site. The green team car is available for transport to launch
site. Depending on LB's availability, murano rover module could meet
the green lunar rover at chadwick launch site or at colchester
cosmodrome. Green rover will carry h20 and k2 to cosmodrome in any
case. Awaiting advisory notification for 1730 launch initiative.

k2nees confirmed for deployment.
h20, please advise on pick up time and location for access to green lunar rover.
are cosmonauts allowed to be giddy like school girls or does father lenin look down on that type of behaviour?.....because boy am i looking forward to this

Cosmonauts should display a serene exterior while phreaking out
inside. A Johan maxim

LB: Have the logistics been engineered to accommodate all needed equipment if the green lunar rover is used to transport 3 cosmonauts to the deployment location? If so then we will save team cosmonaut funds by leaving the Murano interplanetary space shuttle at the Chadwick testing grounds at 1730 hours.

H20: Indeed 3 cosmonauts can fit into the green lunar module. Cosmodrome outfitting can be completed in the spacious cosmodrome changing area. Johan will appreciate the saving of interplanetary fuel if all 3 cosmonauts are within one unit.


Congratulations to Our Team

Congratulations in to brave Vitesse fighting bravely the time at Giro. All finished were by for violations the Act of. Although by UCI their trial conformed standards, application the known implemented disqualified all. Understandably, Vitesse vented frustrations burning Prosperous Obstruction in main of. Johan not comment did a to the.


This Blog Goes Green

An article in a recent edition of the Guardian Weekly discussed the incredible power requirements of the internet. Servers around the world hold ever increasing amounts of information requiring higher energy for storage. In an effort to do its part, cycling cosmonaut has decided to reduce its internet footprint. From this point in time forward, every other word will be dropped.

Not will reduce and usage will the. If have questions concerns don't to cosmonaut. Let's together a tomorrow. By together can a to environment.


Johan the Party Animal

Stunning authorized fotos from a Monaco disco appear to unmask a side of Johan that only his closest confidants suspected. Nights of relentless partying have changed the once convivial family man into something resembling the creature from the Black Lagoon.
These shocking revelations were published in the internationally renowned tabloid, World Weakly News. They show a fish like humanoid walking toward the mens' room. Another shot shows Johan in the lockup of the local constabulary.

Thus far there has been no comment from Johan. The man is probably sleeping it off.


GIRO inspired Design

Team Vitesse's involvement at the Giro this month has inspired one of the riders, K2nees. He has incorporated the SHITS into his time trial machine without the assistance of the engineer at Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory.
Obviously, Happy Lucky 88 accepts no responsibility for this unauthorized use of equipment.

K2nees is to be commended on his display of bravura and ballsiness for his race-ready installation. Other members of the team are now scrambling to match his inventiveness.


Vitesse now use Super Heavenly Integrated Timeless Shifting

Team Vitesse members are now experiencing the SHITS as they race on Italy's roads.
LB says "I have the SHITS and it really keeps me moving."
K2nees has announced, "Thanks to the SHITS, I have seamless shifting..."
h20 is obviously pleased with the SHITS, "It is just another most excellent reason to get up in the morning!"
Night Train exclaimed, "Thank you for the SHITS benevolent Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory!".
PE5GW says, "having the SHITS gives me more time to think and concentrate on what is important."


Electronic Shifting from HL88

By now we have all heard about the feverish research and development surrounding electronic shifting. Some of the biggest bicycle component makers have introduced electronic shifting which is now being used in the professional peleton. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has committed funds to the development of its own "after market" electronic shifting cunningly called "Super Heavenly Integrated Timeless Shifting" or the SHITS for short. The benefit of the SHITS system is that it will be compatable with any brand name shifting system on the market today.
Made from genuine Obscurium, the rheostatic dial housing easily attaches to the SMEVEC 88T or directly to the bars of any bike. The proven durability and weight of Obscurium make it the best choice to house the patented dialling switch system from HL88. The rider will be able to dial in any gear ratio with the Obscurium dial switch.
Eventually the Obscurium Rheostatic Dial (ORD) will interface with a turbine motor to automatically change the front and back derailleurs. The turbine is currently under development. Many power options are being considered including solar, nuclear and wind power. Just consider your shifting being powered by the SMEVEC 88T's anemometer/speedometer. There is no greener power alternative possible!


Vitesse in Venice

Team Vitesse has gathered equipment and riders in Venice to prepare for the Team Time Trial on Saturday. Preparations are going well and any problems with the Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking are being hammered out. Each day the Sublime Motion Enhanced Velocity Enlightenment Computation (SMEVEC 88) is calibrated to Venitian mean time. The Team Time Trial will be the first true test of Happy Lucky 88's plywood engineering revolution.
Team members stay in what locals are calling "il Citi di Plywoodi". Each evening Team Vitesse "circles" the ferrings on Piazza San Marco to relax, recuperate, reduce, reuse, recapitulate, recalibrate and recline in their Plycra jerseys. Compared to the conditions in the wilds of Mesopotamia earlier this year, team members find the ground of the piazza quite comfortable. The team feels safe because rabid dogs and devious swamp lizards have yet to penetrate downtown Venice.
Rumours swirl around Venice concerning Astana's financial crisis. Apparently many Kazakh sponsors are refusing to honour their commitments. Could this mean that Lance and Levi might have to camp out under the plywood like regular bike racers?
Vitesse riders can rest assured that Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory and its secretive partners are backing them all the way to the finish line in Rome on May 31.


Vitesse battles the wind

In one of the last opportunities to get "on form" before the Giro next Saturday, members of Team Vitesse ventured out yesterday. Riding through the miasma of petroleum fumes, the riders filled their lungs with enriched oxygen. One particular stretch of road required no pedalling thanks to a 45 kilometer tail wind. The outbound average speed was close to 95 km/hr.
The return trip proved to be a bit more challenging. Riding straight into the teeth of the south wind, the average speed dropped to a paltry 52 km/hr even with the Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking. We can only imagine how slow the cyclists would have travelled without the use of that amazing aerodynamic product.
Johan was satisfied with the effort but wondered why it was so windy.