Cold Arm Revisited

It has come to the attention of this writer and the management of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory that there is a great vacuum in the hoi polloi's knowledge and appreciation of the dangers of Cold Arm. Cold Arm strikes without warning and is indiscriminate in choosing its victims. Whether hirsute or non, old or young, lean or fat, lame or halt, Cold Arm can reduce its victim to melancholia and alienation.
Recently this author was watching televised news when suddenly the first symptom of Cold Arm presented itself. I noticed a chill which escalated to Cold Arm in mere moments. Once Cold Arm arrives there it is impossible to reverse the trend. I attempted to cover myself with a sleeping bag so that only my head was exposed. This proved difficult due to the limited use of my Cold arms. It was then that I realized that I was indeed in serious trouble. I was unable to operate the remote control and had to rely on PE5GW to make the choices and mute the advertising. Added to this loss of control and power was the unsympathetic scorn and ridicule that I was subjected to. Cold Arm sufferers are vulnerable to what can only be described as the callousness of an ignorant public.
I believe that more must be done to raise awareness of Cold Arm. That is why an educational initiative will be launched with the proceeds of the wildly popular CAFIB and its spin off, the AnkleCAFIB.
Perhaps you know someone who suffers from Cold Arm or perhaps you yourself has been debilitated by it. Speak out about Cold Arm and show compassion for those Cold Arm sufferers you know personally.


Speed versus Warmth

Over the weekend, Lampo Bianco and h20 hit the roads for a training ride under sunny skies and warm temperatures. The evenly matched riders were enjoying some of the worst form of their careers. They exchanged banter and jibes which only team mates on a professional cycling team could possibly bear. Once the regulation 3 minute warmup period was completed the real racing began. Early season training always tests the limits and this session was no exception. The first rise became a Herculean effort to withstand the lactic acid agony in each riders' gams. h20 deals with that kind of pain by excessive wheezing and groaning. Lampo, on the other hand, swears like Captain Haddock and then breaks down in tears.
It soon became apparent that h20 had a small competitive advantage. He had cleverly spent an extra 2 hours altering his legs' winter hirsute state to a more bald plucked chicken look. Lampo consciously decided not to perform this Rite of Spring but instead cover his repulsive hirsute state with kneeings. h20 easily bested LB on all head to head sprints and claimed the Heavy Drop trophy once again.
Johan has issued a severe disciplinary action requiring Lampo to perform countless hours of unspecified community service. Lampo must also shave his teammates' legs for the rest of the season.


World Heritage Site Proposed

In an uncharacteristic show of unfettered munificence, Lampo Bianco has proposed that the infamous corner from whence h20 (Hammer of Holland) got his name be designated as a World Heritage Site. His reasons are multi fold but here are the main points:
  1. This is the corner where h20 digs deepest into his primal "Heavy Drop" region to provide the maximum pain to the denizens of the pain cave;
  2. The scenic curve can only be improved with a plywood World Heritage marker;
  3. The local tifosi will settle for nothing less; and
  4. It is a power point on the globe where one's inner inner tube can be inflated.
A drastic increase in traffic along this spectacular road is due to the fact that many new fans want to catch a glimpse of h20 flirting with cardiac arrest.


Poll Results Tabulated

The results of the recent poll to choose a name for the new cosmodrome have been finalized. High security marked the voting although this author managed to vote 3 times. An overwhelming majority of the eleven respondents chose the "Other Cosmodrome".

When the cosmodrome is officially opened sometime in late 2012, a special pliable plywood plaque will be presented. The ceremony will be televised live and be hosted by Johan himself. The "Other Cosmodrome" adds to the ever expanding network of cosmodromes in Baikonur and the Western Cosmodrome. A heartfelt thanks goes out to all those readers who voted, even though the decision was made by Johan last September.

Bjarne wants Vitesse and HL88

Rumours are often not worth the blog in which they are written, but it appears that the Doubting Dane, Bjarne Riis, has been seriously eyeing Team Vitesse and its beneficent sponsor Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. The Dane's current team sponsor, Saxo Bank, is set to pull the plug at the end of this cycling season. The obvious choice is Team Vitesse, a team bristling with both young and old successfully unproven talent. But what really attracts the bald manager from Denmark are the consistent results achieved with Happy Lucky 88 plywood products and patented HL88 plywood support. Details are scanty at this point in time, however it can be said that Johan sees every reason to avoid working with Saxo's manager. "We have different styles. I like the look and feel of fortrel while the Dane prefers a nice draping rayon" said Johan from his hot tub.
It is eminently apparent that the 2 sides are very far apart and have much to discuss before an agreement can be reached.


Frisco Office Hipster Sighting

It can only be assumed from this foto that San Franciscans welcome sweaty office workers with open arms into the work-a-day business world. Such environmentally conscious office drones are also allowed to flaunt traffic laws by stopping mid-intersection for traffic lights.Johan approves of this urbane sophisticate and his cruiser with semi-ape hanger bars. Johan, always search for that winning "edge" for his team is thinking of making Team Vitesse mimic this setup to manage the cobbles in the 108th running of Paris-Roubaix.


There's a place for us

Recently h20 was greatly heartened by what must be termed a Bike Road in the Frisco area. Some progressive city fathers and mothers designated this passage safe for cyclists to travel with impunity offering that warm sense of warmth not unlike sitting on a furnace. Riding on this street with its inherent security from vehicular traffic could even be likened to having a birthday everyday.
One question remains however. What are those cars doing on this bike path?


Rumours of True "Western Cosmodrome"

Last June the western Cosmodrome was established. At that time only 2 cosmodromes existed, the original in Baikonur, Kazakhstan and the western Cosmodrome in Westmount also known as the Growlery. Now, emboldened with the full financial support of Johan, Lampo Bianco and Hat Model are considering starting a cosmodrome worthy of the name "Western Cosmodrome". Their establishment will be a state of the art facility on the east coast of the west coast of an island off the west coast of Canada. They are set to perform some due diligence on the proposed site before committing completely to this project. "We require full disclosure and a cost benefit analysis of the situation", snapped Lampo in an interview over the telephone. He continued, "Johan's support is key and we are taking this relocation with our heads firmly in the clouds and our shoes on the other feet".