Test Flights begin at WORC

The first test flight since the Western Oceanographic Research Cosmodrome (WORC) opened in August, successfully launched yesterday. Lampo Bianco, much decorated cosmonaut, has begun training for the spring classic season.

His cycling cosmonaut exclusive first hand account is reprinted here:

Took a 20 km flier on the ss (ed.: single speed) yesterday Uphill with a head wind both ways! Seriously, there are loooooong hills around here for a guy who hasn't ridden in so long. The ss gearing is now in question. However, Johan has talked me out of changing anything on the launch vehicle until my legs cease quivering.

Maybe I should just ride more which is what Johan would do. The photo was taken at the private WORC bathing facility down from the cosmodrome. The ocean laboratory lies at the base of the unbelievable grind of an 8 km climb on the inland route to the HL88 psychological test lab. The route back was along the water, more downhill included and a fabulous sunset over the mainland mountains across the strait. No photos were taken since that road suggested imminent death by crazy motorists around blind corners.

Cycling Cosmonaut praises Lampo for his bravery in cycling on a dry day in above zero temperatures and thanks him for the reminder that the Other Cosmodrome is locked in winter's icy grip at minus 28 degrees Celsius.


Auspicious Origins of HL88

From the archives of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory comes proof that the venerable supplier of bicycle accessories has sponsored the Roman Legions from 85 BC to the present day. During construction of the Pantheon, HL88, then known as Felix Felicis Fortuna LXXXVIII, provided logistical and plywood engineering to the spiritual centre of the Roman empire (click image for enhanced viewing).


Power Training for h2o

Each day h2o makes his way on bicycle through the darkness to Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's financial headquarters. These forays into to the the meteorological unknown present special challenges. After consulting various weather oracles, h2o changed his front ring to an easier spin in anticipation of an increase in brown sugar snow (BSS) imminent in every forecast. This change was facilitated by the installation of a half link chain for some reason.
These preparations proved to be an excellent choice for the single speed as h2o merrily pounded through field after menacing field of BSS. Of great assistance was the stiff breeze at his back driving the snow and h2o towards his destination. The return trip will present its own challenges as the wind is due to increase to 40 kilometers per hour without any let up in precip. No doubt h2o will draw from his Within Power coupled with some novel Johan inspired blasphemies.


Life Imitates HL88

Thanks to one of the 8 readers of this blog for bringing yet more proof that life imitates Happy Lucky 88 Manufacatory's plywood initiative.
The wonder element PLYWOODIUM, made so popular by HL88 and crafted into so many high quality cycling products, has found a place in the Festivus pantheon. An intrepid inventor with a jigsaw has produced a fetching plywood tree ready to hold a finite number of ornaments. Shown here in its purest state, the plywoodium tree will likely withstand the feats of strength program of any evening.


HL88 sees the logic

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has uncovered a highly covert operation which converted automobiles into something indescribable. These curious abominations were developed at an undisclosed cosmodrome in the nothern hemisphere. the engineer at HL 88 Manufactory feels she can adapt this technology to assist Team Vitesse during perilous navigation through brown sugar snow. Johan insists that the back tyre needs to be lager (see Graham Rawles lost consonants).


Team Vitesse Seeks Divine Intervention

Fresh from their most successful season in the professional peleton, Team Vitesse is set to announce a new approach to training. Thus far sporadic training with a virtual manager (Johan the Omniscient) has resulted in riders snatching superb victories with too much effort. Dr K2 has noticed that Johan has changed his timbre this year. "I believe that Johan got religion somewhere" mused the good doctor.
Johan's new plan is to call upon divinities, both past and present, to augment an already strenuous and extensive training program. For instance, early in the season, h2o experienced an inordinate number of flat tyres. Having identified this as a potential nuisance, Team Vitesse has retained the services of Phlatus, Averter of Punctures, to watch over its athletes. Pheedus, the spirit overseeing feed zones will leave the services of Radio Shack to join the retinue of divinities who will be channeled by Johan.
Johan believes that channeling divinities will be chicken feed, "I often feel the spirits at the casino. They speak loudest after I pass out." Team members are unsure of how well Johan can drive the virtual team car, provide tactical guidance and channel while passed out. "Johan is a master of the multi-task" spouted Lampo Bianco from the new WORC (Western Oceanographic Research Cosmodrome).


The 9 "P"s of Cold Arm

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's Cold Arm Foundation continues its educational initiative with the introduction of the nine "P"s of Cold Arm. Deemed an issue of high concern, management has broken down Cold Arm into 9 domain environments based on experiential experiences.
  1. Persecution: Cold Arm crosses all ethnic, gender and class boundaries with its relentless attacks.
  2. Prediction: one must always assess each situation for the eventuality of Cold Arm.
  3. Probability: Cold Arm never sleeps nor does it ever rest.
  4. Provocation: Cold Arm seeks to undermine one's very comfort in one's chosen environment.
  5. Preparedness: one can never be too prepared for the onslaught of Cold Arm. Always have anti Cold Arm precautions on hand.
  6. Prevention: Think ahead before Cold Arm gains the upper hand, forearm and arm.
  7. Purposefulness: conducting oneself according to the Cold Arm capability framework will give one's existence purpose and meaning.
  8. Perseverance: one must be vigilant against the evils of Cold Arm.
  9. Perpetuity: Cold Arm does not end simply because one has obeyed numbers 1 through 8. It can attack anywhere (see #4), anytime (see #3), anyone (see #1).
  10. Puerility: Rest assured - there is nothing puerile about Cold Arm.
Commensurate functional activity must be coordinated. Watch for updates about the 23 "F"s of Stretch Goals by Johan.